It's just middle of summer

Hot, sultry nights. Sounds so sexy. In reality, it's just hot. But I am thankful, as we have a new air conditioner. Life is way more comfortable.

I'm looking above my computer at the myriad bottles of eye drops. It loks like an 85 year old lives here. So depressing. This whole eye ordeal has been a blur. I remember when it started that one Monday in January, 2007 or 2008. I kept thinking something was in my eye and I could "wipe" it out.

How scary it was when I went blind that first time. Wish I hadn't wasted those first years with that dumbass dr. who was so uncaring. He and I just did not hit it off at all. So thankful I stepped out on a lib and found Dr. Harris. She and Crystal and Isabel are my girls.

Hate the thought that I'm having another shot probably this Monday. It'll be interesting to see which eye gets the shot. If I were a betting woman. . . .

Pissed AND feeling sorry for myself

I'm just so sick of health shit. I can see a little less than half of what I need to see, and then today, I feel like it's my fault. Happy friday.

Driving is quite nerve-wracking again. I just have to have confidence that my left eye is seeing enough. Mentally, I know it is, but physically, it sure doesn't feel like it.

I wish there was something good for adults who have no focus. I've never had good focus or self-discipline, but it seems to be escalating the older I get. To use the old expression, I feel like I go from "pillar to post" and back again. I never get anythying accomplished and it's driving me insane.

Part of me thinks I hold it together damn well, but at other times, I feel like I'm falling apart. Thankful that some moments are better than others.

Pissed off

So I'm sitting on the couch watching "Beverly Hills Cop" tonight and my eye hemorrhages. Again. For the 7th or 8th time in the past 3 years.

I'm pissed. And now I can't even make out the computer monitor with my right eye.

To use Nancy Kerrigan's famous cry, "why?" I just am in shock that this has happened yet again. Why, dammit, why?

How can I fix the things that torment my body now? Type 2 diabetes wasn't supposed to be the bad one. I wasn't supposed to lose my vision. But it comes and goes.

What a nightmare. There are times that I feel like I'm trying to shut a barn door where all the horses have already run through. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Earlier today, I had the feeling that things were just about to turn around a bit. Get my business back in order. Get some order to life. Nowhere in that series of thoughts did I envision my eye blowing out again.

Part of me feels like I'm exaggerating stuff when I mention it. Wanted my friends to know that the eye had hemorrhaged, but it's not all that bad. Well yes, it is that bad. I don't even know what to say to folks. Bad shit just keeps happening. I don't know how to fix things.